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[Video/Text] 01st Page

[Okay, so, Jake accidentally hit a few buttons, so have fun watching what looks like John Egbert having a hard time with an overly affectionate Emolga. At least, it's only for a few seconds. It kind of cuts out to text when he falls down on the ground.]

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[After a couple moments more, there is a proper text message.]

Jiminy frigging christmas are these pokemon things always so enthusiastic to meet new people?
Jeez.
I apologize for that spot of trouble but the rapscallion wouldnt take no for an answer!
Or stay for that matter.
At any rate is this perchance a dream bubble?
If it is its the weirdest one ive been in yet!

{OOC: It's also action for anybody in New Bark Town.}

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[Doop doop, checking the network. What's new today Johto? Oh, is it that time again? More new peopl--woah wait. Wait what the fuck?]

[Who's this douchebag?]

[For a few minutes, John just stares at the screen. The green text and speech patterns are kind of tickling something in his brain, but that was so long ago that he's having trouble remembering exactly why it seems familiar. That and the fact that the resemblance between himself and this guy is so uncanny he's having trouble focusing on much of anything else. I mean, really, save for the fact that his haircut is a little different and he's maybe a year or so older than John, the two could be twins.]

[Eventually, he clicks the feed on and.......just stares. He was going to say something, but then he realized that he had no idea what that something was. Clearly, Jake, you are dealing with a conversational genius here.]

[Clearly John is the master conversationalist.

Jake gives him a puzzled look, but mostly takes the whole twin-thing in stride. Hell knows he's seen stranger things in the past couple of hours.

Since the other kid's clearly not going to start, he'll just have to do it for him.]

Hello! Is something wrong?

[He really and truly is.]

No not...wrong, exactly. It's just uh...who are you?

[AND WHY DO YOU HAVE MY FACE!?]

Oh, terribly sorry. I haven't introduced myself. I'm Jake English! It's a pleasure to meet you.

[...nope! Not ringing any bells. He definitely doesn't know anybody with the last name English. But still, this can't be a coincidence. Hell, now they have the same initials on top of having the same face. And Jake did mentions something about dreambubbles...]

It's fine, I mean it's not like we were really having a conversation or anything yet. Which was my fault, sorry. I was kind of distracted by the fact that... [He kind of vaguely gestures between the two of them.] ...yeah. Anyway, I'm John Egbert. It's nice to meet you too.

John Eg--oh! Jade's friend!

[So excite, now!]

The two of us were collaborating on a birthday present for you! Did it arrive safely?

Oh, you mean the bunny? Yeah it did, actually! In fact, it kind of helped me out of what would likely have been an otherwise deadly situation. Wait... [A beat as the completely obvious suddenly becomes blatantly so.] You must be J then! Her pen pal.

[No wonder the text looked so familiar. Unfortunately, he only got Jake's first letter, so he has no idea about the whole grandson-grandmother thing]

Excellent! I was worried that it got there late or worse since it took me so long to find the fuel to send it off.

[He grins.]

Yep! I didn't expect to see you here, though. I mean, I was going to see you in the game, but this is undoubtedly much faster than I had hoped.

Haha, nope! It took me a while to get it but like Jade said, I got it exactly when I needed it! And it was way cool too, the best birthday bunny I got, to be honest.

[Which is kind of cheating considering it was technically all three bunnies as one because yay time shenanigans. John has the best friends a guy could ask for. The best.]

Hehe, you will find that there are quite a few people from our universe here! Jade too, in fact I wouldn't be surprised if you hear from her soon. She's probably looking forward to actually being able to talk to you face-to-face. But...unless I missed them, I think you are the first one here from your session.

I'm glad you liked it! I don't suppose it might have come with you to the world of Pokemon?

[Probably not, since Jake doesn't even have his 2xpistolkind.]

I know I most certainly am looking forward to finally talking to her! Letters are fine and dandy, but actually meeting her is quite another story.

I am? With how Dirk goes about, I'd have expected him to be the first here in a blaze of ironic glory, [marginal eye roll oh Dirk] or even Jane.

Unfortunately, no. To be honest, I didn't have it on me when I was brought here. Long story, but it was actually my dreamself who ended up getting it. Not that that would have mattered, since nothing from home came with me here.

[Which is a shame, things would have been so much easier with his rocketpack.]

Buuuut I can't say I have heard of anybody with those names. And we tend to kind of stick out on the network, you know? With the text colors and talking about really random stuff that nobody else really understands. But I wouldn't be surprised if they show up soon. Johto seems to have taken a liking to people from our world.

Yes, I've noticed that unfortunate fact. Oh, well. At least you got it, and that's the important thing!

It'll make it easier to spot our friends when they arrive. I hope Jane gets here soon. She's been looking forward to seeing you! Though it's a little strange that you have a different last name than hers.

[John quirks a brow.]

Uhh...who is Jane? And why wouldn't we have different last names?

[After all, John doesn't know anybody with the last name "English." And to his knowledge, he has no cool inter-universe penpals like Jade. Plus, since Dad never really wanted to talk too about his nanna (especially her incident) John doesn't actually know her real name.]

Well, if I understand the tomfoolery that has happened after my conversation with Rose, then we have switched places with our Guardians or something like that? In our universe, you'd be her Poppop, so I think she'd be your...Nanna?

But to answer your second question, her last name is Crocker.

[Okay, that's kind of weird but whatever. Weird is the flavor of Homestuck life so he can deal. Normally he'd ask more questions though, I mean who wouldn't be curious about their alternate life in a switched universe?]

[There's just one problem though.]

[One thing that Jake said that takes precedence...]

Crocker.

[His expression darkens momentarily, eyes narrowing and smile fading. It's probably just a coincidence, Crocker hardly a rare last name after all! But even so, an ancient hatred begins stirring after nearly two years of slumber...]

Please tell me that's not Crocker as in Betty Crocker.

She's the heiress to Crocker Corp, yes. In our universe, the one behind the facade of the baking company wipes out all of humanity, sans two and I'm not sure how they were able to survive. We tend to call "Betty" the Batterwitch or by her actual title, the Condesce.

I fucking knew it! ["Just a baked goods company" they said. "Not actually a real person" they said. "Calme down, John" they said. But look who's calm now!? Wait that didn't make any sense.] The Batterwitch has her gnarled claws in e-- wait did you say you guys call her the Batterwitch?

[Because as far as he knew, that was just something he did.]

[Jake nods.]

Well, Dirk Strider, Roxy Lalonde, and me call her that. I'm not terribly sure about Jane since she's had no clue that she's been brainwashed by her.

[He likes the sound of these Dirk and Roxy people. Finally people who understand.]

Brainwashed?! Jeez...it doesn't really surprise me but poor Jane, all the same.

[They are awesome, don't let Eridan say otherwise.]

Well, she's smart and tough, so I'm not terribly worried about her. I think she'll be okay.

[Like John ever listens to Eridan anyway. Dude is kind of a major tooly douchebag wrapped up in fishy arrogance.]

Mmm... Man, this is a lot to take in at once. Okay so...basically for whatever reason...we are all flip-flopped in your session? Or...well I guess technically we're flip-flopped no matter which way you look at it. How the hell did that happen though? I'm kind of confused here.

A good question, but I don't have an answer to that. Maybe something at the beginning of the game changed?

Maybe... [He trails off.] This whole thing is just kinda weird. Like, I made all of us as babies and even I don't have any clue what's going on. Though maybe it's just because I'm kind of behind everybody else, chronologywise.

[No John, you just never have a clue. That's kind of your thing.]

So what can you tell me then? About like...future alternate universe John and friends?

Well, I'm honestly not sure about your life in my universe. Jane would know. As for Jade...well, I didn't get to know my grandma very well. She was a technological genius, but she was murdered when I was young, so I didn't get a chance to ask her anything about her life before coming to the island.

Dave and Rose became famous, though. Rose is the author of the Complacency of the Learned series, and Dave is famous for being the creator of the Sweet Bro & Hella Jeff movies.

[omg you suck, Jake.]

Wait what?! Jade was murdered? How? Why?!

[Calm down, john. It's not YOUR Jade, okay? It's going to be okay.]

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