hoperaider | [Text/Action for Cianwood] 12th Page

[Jake makes a habit out of cooking breakfast for anyone interested in their travel party. Mostly because he wants to make sure they get at least one good meal before accidentally skipping out on lunch or having dinner at odd hours of the night. It's why he's entering Dirk's room, now, without preamble.]

Dirk! Are you going...to....

[He trails off, frowning. Dirk's not in his room anymore. However, there is something on Dirk's bed and he walks over to investigate.

A strange numbness takes over when Jake sees that it's his boyfriend's sunglasses. Dirk would never leave those here, unless....

He checks his Gear. No. No no no no no. Jake double--no, triple checks it.

Nothing. Only Bro Strider and Dave Strider.

Jake's not sure when or how he got to a secluded part of the island, but he's not caring. The shock wears off when he reaches there, and he can't help feeling angry and bitter and guilty and heartbreaking sorrow crash over him in an unrelentless flood. First it was Roxy. Then it was Jade. Now....

His anger is quickest to run out as he takes it out on the boulders and rock walls until his knuckles are bloody and he can't feel his feet. He sits down and leans against the rock wall, not caring about his injuries, and just gives in to weeping.

Some hours later, he returns to Dirk's old room and takes out his Pokegear. Jake can't stand video or voice at the moment, so text is the best choice.]

Dirk has gone home.
I suppose now i understand what they meant by these things coming in threes.

Im getting contacts in olivine i believe.
I kind of promised dirk i would and at least i wont have to worry about breaking my contacts as much as my glasses.
Er this saying olivine *has* an optometrist i could go to?
Ive not been there since we went straight to cianwood after prom.

[God, don't think about prom, don't think about prom.]

Whomever received dirks pokemon...
Please take good care of them.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[dealwithit.jpg]

Was that his trait? He was linked to heart the way you are to hope. No wonder the two of you got along the way you did.

I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you this time. I'm still learning how to cope with it, too.

[nope.gif]

Yeah.
It was pretty fitting even if it might not seem that way with how he acts.
Hes always put us first and hes always looked out for us.
Perhaps especially me since i seem to attract trouble.

Well im sure if one of us finds out wed tell the other!
I just
Wish it didnt hurt so much to lose your best friend.
I mean hes probably fine back home but.
Well.
From what janes told me things might not be so great back there between us.

[She actually types in "but you'll see him again" and then deletes it, here, because even upset she's too classy to play the Heartbreak Olympics.]

It's all you can think about, isn't it? What might be. What could've been. Opportunities you had and didn't take; things you should've done and didn't because there was no reason to think you wouldn't be able to do them sometime later, in the future.

But nothing you do here will fix whatever might have transpired back there — unless it's something that changes you as a person. You can't change the circumstances. The only thing you can affect is who you are.

[Playing the Heartbreak Olympics would really suck right now.

He's really starting to not pay attention to how he's typing at this point.]

pretty much!
And now it feels like ive squandered opportunities to say things i probably hshouldve said.
And i was just starting to get used to the whole romance side of this relationshp.

I wish i could though.
I think i might have hurt dirk back there and might have hurt jane and roxy too.

[Goddamn it, his eyes are filling up again. He wipes them away angrily before adding:]

And i wish i could stop bloody crying about this!

A wise man once said, "To weep is to make less the depth of grief."

A wiser one remarked, "Crying is all right in its own way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do."

I won't tell you not to cry, Jake.

[It's a few minutes before Jake answers, mostly because he's broken down again after reading that.]

Thanks carmen.
Ill be better in the future but right now im just.
Definitely not fine.
Its been an awful month all around.

I know.

T.S. Eliot once said, "April is the cruelest month." I'm starting to believe him, too.

No kidding.
How have you been faring?

[Now, see, this is where it gets hard. On one hand, she wants to answer, because the person she'd usually talk to about problems like this also happens to be the one whose disappearance is causing all the problems in the first place. But on the other hand, Jake is a kid, and it's not about his age so much as it is the relationship she has with the people she gives that designation to — she's here to teach children and help them, not weigh them down. She's an adult; she takes care of her own problems. She always has.

And she's so lonely for it.]

The worst moments aren't the ones where I remember. They're the ones where I forget, just long enough to make it to the Gear or to his room with something to say, and...

[And then she remembers, and it cuts all over again.]

[Jake's heart goes out to her regardless. Oh, how he knows that. He'll probably go through it again himself, and he never truly expected to have to go through the pattern for a second time in his life.]

And then it just hurts you all over again.
Thats not a song and dance id wish for you to go through but.
It does get better with time i think.
Itll still hurt but it wont wrench your heart and soul.
And youve got friends who dont mind listening when you want to unburden yourself or bleed off some of the pain!
Or even just share a portion of it.

That's not how I usually cope with things.

I think that's part of the problem I'm having. My usual methods just aren't...going to work, this time.

Then lets try something different and see if that works better.

You're trying to cheer me up.

[THIS SHOULDN'T BE SUCH A BIG THING BUT IT STILL KIND OF SURPRISES HER WHEN IT HAPPENS, OKAY.]

Of course!
You tried to cheer me up too you know.

[CARMEN SHOULD REALIZE THAT THIS IS KIND OF JAKE'S THING, TRYING TO CHEER PEOPLE UP EVEN WHEN HE'S FEELING AWFUL.]

[Text/Action for Cianwood] 12th Page

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